~Fly Assassins Report VI~
~We’ll take a little break from the nuts and bolts of Fly Assassin Reports, give you a bit of a third person story about P. Sluggo~He was in Junior High the year JFK was slain, cried like a baby~the year before that he learned something about slaying and quotas~you’ll notice in the picture that Sluggo and Igor are disguised as an old guy and a German Shepherd~
~Fly Assassins Report VI~
When Professor Sluggo was a boy in middle school he had an interesting science teacher, Mister Lane. Thin and intense, he was a perfect example of the mad professor. Mister Lane had a smoldering dislike for sparrows. He perceived them as disgusting vermin and regularly regaled the class with stories of different ways he had developed to kill the tiny birds.
The public health service at the time agreed with Mister Lane. The Vermin Society awarded the American who killed the most sparrows each year with an impressive Community Activity plaque. Mister Lane brought a box full of sparrow feet to school one day. He displayed them to the class, 743 of them, proud and sure he would be winner of the coveted award. The feet were indisputable proof of his kills and a requirement with each application.
A few weeks later Mister Lane, much grumpier than usual, addressed the class on the subject of dead sparrows. Seems he had been beaten in the contest by another entrant who sent in 840 tiny feet. Mister Lane was spitting mad, the clincher being that his co-applicant, the acclaimed winner, had slain only 420 birds. The small print on the application, a piece the overzealous Mister Lane failed to read, stated that two feet must be submitted as proof of each kill. Mister Lane was livid. How many one-footed sparrows had anyone ever seen?
Unaware of Mister Lane’s unfortunate experience that morning, Sluggo made the mistake of sticking a wad of gum on the nasty and stuck-up girl’s seat in front of him. He giggled as she squirmed around uncomfortably at her desk. Mister Lane, sparrow slayer extraordinaire, found it hard to believe anyone could be so unfeeling as to laugh at his sad tale, to make fun of his wounded pride. He snatched a heavy textbook from his desk and heaved it in Sluggo’s general direction.
Sluggo, quick and agile in his youth, ducked easily and avoided being struck by the projectile. Things heated up considerably after that. The book sailed through an open window and struck an unfortunate lady who was enjoying a tour of the grounds conducted by the school principal. The science classroom was on the second floor of the building. Sluggo spent the remainder of the day in the detention room outside the principal’s office in the company of a couple of other bad boys who’d had a disagreement and attempted to beat one another’s brains out. There were three chairs in the small chamber and Sluggo was assigned the one between the combatants. Their whispered threats to each other and contemptuous attitudes made for an uncomfortable afternoon. The note from Mister Lane and the principal Sluggo had to take home to his mother made for an uncomfortable evening.
In the end, it was all for the best as it turned out for Sluggo. Come to find out, the girl in the front desk was a great lover of birds. She thought it grand that Sluggo had the courage to stand up to Mister Lane and his passion for killing them. Sluggo had poor eyesight and the very next day she began taking notes of assignments posted on the blackboard and sharing the information with Sluggo. They became fast friends and Sluggo’s grades improved in spite of Mister Lane’s nasty attitude and hurt feelings.
Sluggo further endeared himself to the young lady by instructing her in the art of removing chewing gum from clothing. He confided in her that he had no idea who would be crass and evil enough to stick a wad of gum on the desk chair of one so sweet as she. She deposited her skirt in the family’s freezer per Sluggo’s direction and easily removed the gum next morning.
Over and out!
P. Sluggo, F.A.E.
Flies can only eat liquids but can turn many solids into liquid through spitting or vomiting on them.
~Tom (WordWulf) Sterner~
~Fly Assassins I~
~Fly Assassins II~
~Fly Assassins III~
~Fly Assassins IV~
~Fly Assassins V~