A stepdad that loves his spouse should also love his spouse’s kids – or at least pretend to like them for the sake of all concerned, and no one should wonder if he cares about them.
Does He Really Care?
A stepdad that loves his spouse should also love his spouse’s kids – or at least pretend to like them for the sake of all concerned, and no one should wonder if he cares about them. Some children are manipulative and go out of their way to make life very difficult for everyone, but others are innocent and treated unfairly from the very beginning. Little things about the kids irritate the stepdad – their unique characteristics, their hobbies, and even their expressions. An uncaring stepdad dislikes them inside and out, and this starts a cycle of hatred. It is very easy to tell if this type of person cares.
As the old saying goes, love is blind. The mother of the children does not initially recognize the problem, but the kids certainly do. She does not realize her husband has a deep-seated hatred for her offspring from another relationship. After all, how could someone that is supposed to be an adult hate innocent kids for no apparent reason? The kids end up despising the stepdad because they know he hates them to the core, and they figure they might as well live up to his unfair and callous opinions. Over the years, if the marriage lasts that long, the mother ends up in the middle of battle after battle. She loves her kids unconditionally, and she struggles to continue loving her husband. In time she decides she cannot possibly love someone that hates her kids, and she ends the relationship and lives happily ever after with someone else.
This scenario is played out over and over again in blended families of all income levels and every corner of the globe, but it is possible to stop the hatred and unfairness before it evolves into mental abuse. Pay attention to the signs, and consider the following ways to tell if the stepdad of the family cares about the kids that are not his. The signs can be subtle, but once they are recognized the truth becomes clear. In time the mother will know for sure if the pseudo dad of the family cares about the kids.
Simple Ways to Tell if He Cares
A stepdad that does not care about the kids will not bother to say hello or goodbye most of the time. He will barely recognize their existence let alone speak to acknowledge their arrival or departure, even if they have not been in close contact for days. How can this adult expect the kids to use good manners and appropriately acknowledge others if this is how they are treated? Someone like this does not care for the kids. They are merely tolerating their existence.
Acknowledging the Good as Well as the Bad
When a stepdad does not like the kids for whatever reason, he will go out of his way to acknowledge everything negative, and he will invent all sorts of problems to complain about, even when nothing is wrong. Whether he cares or not becomes second to the tirades and blowups that everyone must endure. The kids will not be able to sneeze properly without being ridiculed in a household where everyone wonders if the stepdad cares.
A good stepdad and a kind person treats the stepkids as he or she would treat his own, but a stepdad that does not behave properly like an intelligent adult will treat them with contempt. Keep in mind that if he abandoned his kids or never cares or shows concern about their well-being, he certainly will not care for the offspring of another man.
The kids should be congratulated for good grades, success in their hobbies of choice, and they should be treated with kindness. Kids are not perfect, no matter who their parents are, but a stepdad that only acknowledges bad behavior is not someone that cares. It would take too much effort for this type of person to say a good job, but they seem to have no problem complaining. How could this be a stepdad that cares about the kids?
Denying Reasonable Wants and Needs Does Not Show He Cares
When the mother of the kids in a step-family fears buying necessities for her kids because of their stepdad, a problem most definitely exists. A mother should not have to ask permission to buy clothing and other reasonable items for her kids, especially when she is receiving support from their father and contributing monetarily to the household. Does this sound like a stepdad that cares about the kids? A stepdad that cares would not consider jeans and shirts to be too costly. His goal is to make the lives of the kids he despises as miserable as possible.
A Step Dad that Cares Does Not Instigate Fights Between Parents
A stepdad that does not care about his wife’s kids might go out of his way to promote fighting between the father and the mother, especially if he loves conflict. Strangely enough, some people thrive when embroiled in conflict, and they go out of their way to look for trouble. If this type of stepdad does not have someone to fight with directly, the next best thing for this sad sort of individual is watching others battle it out. What better stars of the show than his wife and the father of the kids that he hates?
Unless the kids are in danger or unless their father is not paying support, a battle is not beneficial to the kids in the least. Instigating a fight is not a way to show that a stepdad cares. It does just the opposite. This is a very ugly characteristic, and anyone with even a shred of intelligence will see right through this childish bully-like behavior. As time goes by, attempts to make others fight will be turned around on the instigating stepdad, and he might find himself fighting to stay in the home.
Positive Parenting versus Deep-Seeded Hatred
A stepdad in the family certainly deserves to know what is going on in the household, and he has a right to speak up when things are wrong. However, if it is well-known that he hates the kids, the stepdad will not be taken seriously. After all, no one thinks he cares. First and foremost, the family will consider his punishments and the control he tries to maintain as a demonstration of hatred. This does not show the stepdad cares about the children let alone his marriage. Whether the stepdad genuinely cares for the kids or not, family members will see it as a manifestation of abhorrence and not a real concern if he has been unfair and cruel, time and time again. A person like this might not even be capable of truly loving anyone else let alone the kids of an innocuous enemy, and he does not deserve the title of stepdad. He might even be jealous of the attention the kids receive.
Not all stepparents are evil or uncaring. In many cases, it is easy to see if he cares. These are good people, and they accept their spouse’s kids as their own. Others are hateful, controlling, and ugly in the truest sense of the word. If a problem exists and the out-of-control stepdad will not attend counseling, put an end to the hatred once and for all – even if it means ending the relationship. Life is too short to live with revulsion, fear, gloom, and a stepdad and husband that cares for no one other than himself. Stop the problem before the tyrant, otherwise known as the stepdad, causes irreparable damage.